Just for fun :)

things to consider:

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
4. Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
11. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
12. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
14. God must love stupid people; he made so many.
15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
16. It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
17. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
18. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
19. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.
20. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
21. Procrastinate Now!
22. My dog can lick anyone!
23. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
24. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
25. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
26. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
27. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
28. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory on your computer.
29. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them.