Becoming Illegal

Becoming Illegal

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and
sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office
Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent
customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your
assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an
effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they
referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to
change my status from US Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill
which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my
understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal
alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do
to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three
of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have
been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about
the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a
$2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal
retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I
could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care
provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my
accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal
status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment
relative to her law school applications, as well as "instate" tuition
rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal
status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license
and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very
important to me given that I still have college age children driving my
car.

If you would provide me with an
outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and
copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA